Thank you for my first 30 years

I have twelve hours left of my twenties. And then, I become an adult. All those immature relationships, ways of being, wastes of time will be no more. I only have to live with the drama of life and of my twenties for twelve more hours…

Kidding. If only life magically worked that way. Though I have learned that life does have a way of working out, magic or not. As is usual for me, when I’m coming up on a big change, I reflect a lot on my life. And in looking back over my life so far, I realize it’s been pretty great.

In my twenties, I didn’t get engaged, married, have children, buy my own car, or a house. But I’ve managed to finish my doctorate in psychology, get licensed, and find a job I love. I’ve lived in different cities, studied overseas twice, and traveled to different continents. All that stuff, that stuff on paper, makes me very happy. But it’s not really what matters the most to me. This is what does: My life is one that has moved me. Up and down, backwards and forwards, all over the place. I can’t count the smiles, the times I’ve laughed so hard it hurts. I can’t tell you how many tears I’ve shed or how many nights I’ve spent crying into my pillow. I have had moments of pure joy and pure sadness. I’ve felt bitter, confused, elated, scared, excited, hurt, peaceful, and happy. And all of those things are not just what your twenties are for, they’re what life is for- To move within it and be moved by it.

I wouldn’t give up those experiences for anything, even though those memories are also full of pain, hurt, and negativity.  I’m grateful for the choices I made to remove negativity from my life (even if it took me a while to do it). And from where I stand now, I am surrounded by love (from all over the globe) on this, the eve of my thirtieth birthday.

I am so incredibly grateful for all those experiences, all the love, all the amazing people who have been a part of my journey so far. It moves me just calling up all these memories. I’ve been thinking about how I want to start/spend my thirties, and a lot of ideas have come to mind. But more than anything, I want to live and be love. It took me almost 30 years to realize that love (all kinds, not just romantic) is the answer. Call me sentimental, naive, cheesy, whatever you want, but it’s true.

So to all of you out there, no matter how big or small a part you’ve played in my life, no matter if we’re friends or enemies, I’m sending you light, I’m sending you love, and I’m wishing you the greatest happiness. Thank you for making my first thirty years what they have been.

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